she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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