I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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