I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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