So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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