I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
