i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
