my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
