Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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