so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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