Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
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These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
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Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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