My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she smelled like a LAN party
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
