sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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