i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
