He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
BRING THE BAGELS
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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