Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
