Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
