I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
