I didn't shave. On purpose
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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