what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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