I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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