Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
