saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
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Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
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I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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