i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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