i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
