I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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