I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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