Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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