You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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