Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
