There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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