I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So vagazzling was a success
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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