as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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