He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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