im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
