This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She said her name was "party"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
