OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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