You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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