New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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