Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
