yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
