Pappa wants mamma naked
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
did you just send me my own nude
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
