the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
