The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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