I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So much rum. So many feels.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
