Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
