Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
