Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
