I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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