If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
