come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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