ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
