If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize