I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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