Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
