I cannot find my penis.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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