the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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