Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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