i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my sisters under your porch take her home
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
