Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
