Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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