It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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