Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
