Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
