marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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