new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
