yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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