There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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