I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
