As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
