At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
