I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
